5 Things I Learned While Tripping on Acid at Work

I was all kinds of trippin, man.

Work sucks. Acid is good. Based on the logic that the goodness of acid > the suckness of work, I came to the brilliant conclusion that by combining the two I could make work not suck.  Two tabs and a day later I can say that while it was a blast, I don't really remember much, and I'm probably never doing it again in my life until tomorrow maybe.  Also, I came to the  following five earth-shattering conclusions that have stuck with me.


5. Nobody expects you to be on LSD

This little added perk was something that dawned on me right at the start of the trip.  Not only did not a single person suspect I was under the influence of psychedelics, but 90% of them wouldn't have believed me if I told it to their face.  It just seems ridiculously implausible. 

"Here's that report you wanted, Joel. It took me a little while, ya know, because of the acid."

Now if I had to give a lecture in an auditorium or some shit, I suppose the fact I was tripping balls would have shown itself. However, my job has nothing of the sort, but more on that later. This next fact is urgent and very important. 
 

4.The color purple is AWESOME.



 I'm  not kidding.  Go Google the most underrated color and I guarantee that you will see thousands of articles on how bad-ass  purple is.  I'm serious... I have time, I can wait.  Did you do it? Were there a plethora of pages on the perfection that is purple? I don't fucking care because purple is awesome and the drugs told me so.
 
3. An 8 hour shift can end in 2 hours

This  little fact was quite the shocker.  Prior to my little psychedelic adventure I had always assumed that an eight hour shift lasts roughly the duration of around 8 hours.  Well if time flies when you're having fun, it does something even crazier when you're on acid, maybe like kangaroo boxing or some shit.  All I know is I wasn't invited so 6 hours just up and vanished from that night completely.
 

2. I'm REALLY tripping right now... and I'm at work.

"Ohhhhhh Shiiiit."

Ok, so I kind of knew this the whole time, but let me just say that knowing and realizing have never been so different to me in my life.  About half way through my trip, when the LSD was really hitting me hard, so was the realization that I am currently at my god-damned place of employment on the fucking clock. To put it bluntly, this is when I realized shit is real.

 

1. I am a horrible security guard

"No, It's ok. I traded my shoes for vodka."

 There you have it ladies and gentlemen.  The job for which I have such disregard, I am more than happy to  show up under the influence of hallucinogens.  Now, once I get my surgical license or whatever I need to start my illegal laser eye surgery operation , then I'll probably hesitate before indulging in psychedelic mayhem while on the job. Probably.