All That Other Good-ness
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Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Monday, December 10, 2012
kid gets shot with pellet gun
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Know Thy Enemy #2
The Scenario:
The moment you close the back doors to the old, beat up van, the driver steps on the gas and immediately speeds off. The faint sounds of police sirens can be heard in the distance as you remove your black ski mask, and high-five your two accomplices in the back of the van. You grab a handful of crisp unmarked bills from the beige, dollar sign embroidered bag by your feet and toss it in the air in celebration of a job well done. Shortly after, the van pulls to a stop in a dimly lit alleyway between two abandoned paper mills. As you grab your bulging bag of loot and exit the vehicle you suddenly feel the hairs on the back of your neck begin to prick up.
Making your way to an unmarked door in the back of one of the abandoned mills, you catch a glimpse of a shadow flashing across the wall of the building. "What the hell was that?" you ask your rag-tag cluster of cronies. A few shrugged shoulders and some incoherent mumbling is the only response you get. A moment later you hear a loud and unfamiliar 'zipping' noise from one of the fire escapes above. "Well I know you heard that, Earl."
"Yeah... what the fuck was that?" comes the response of one of your thugs who most assuredly is not Earl
You turn around to realize that crew is now somehow one short, with Earl's bag of money laying sprawled out, yet still full, on the greasy black pavement. "Uhhh... Where's Earl?" asks one of your bewildered associates.
The unexpected response comes from a nearby shadow in the form of a deep and raspy whisper, "Earl's a little... tied up right now."
It’s not until the source of the voice reveals itself, instantly subduing one of your two remaining accomplices, and abducting him to the rooftops via grappling gun, that you fully become aware of what your up against...
Labels:
batman,
funny,
humor,
know thy enemy,
michael jackson,
random
Friday, December 10, 2010
5 Things I Learned While Tripping on Acid at Work
I was all kinds of trippin, man. |
Work sucks. Acid is good. Based on the logic that the goodness of acid > the suckness of work, I came to the brilliant conclusion that by combining the two I could make work not suck. Two tabs and a day later I can say that while it was a blast, I don't really remember much, and I'm probably never doing it again in my life until tomorrow maybe. Also, I came to the following five earth-shattering conclusions that have stuck with me.
5. Nobody expects you to be on LSD
This little added perk was something that dawned on me right at the start of the trip. Not only did not a single person suspect I was under the influence of psychedelics, but 90% of them wouldn't have believed me if I told it to their face. It just seems ridiculously implausible.
"Here's that report you wanted, Joel. It took me a little while, ya know, because of the acid." |
Monday, November 29, 2010
Shawshank In a Minute!
If you notice a familiar face in this video, then you've probably been watching Boardwalk Empire. Either that or you know the man from his one line on the Sopranos. Or maybe this video about his one line on the Sopranos:
Labels:
Boardwalk Empire,
humor,
parody,
random,
shawshank,
Shawshank Redemption,
video
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Midget Hate.
Laugh all you want, $10 says your girlfriend would totally fuck him
I mean, lets take a look at all of mankind's other oddities for comparison- Asians have small penises, cripples can't run up a flight of stairs, retards can't operate heavy machinery, black people make white people feel uncomfortable, and gay people will never be taken seriously in sports. But Midgets... Midgets have all five of these fuckin problems, and half of them can't even wipe their own ass.
If ever was an argument strong enough to convince me to convert to Hinduism and accept their belief of reincarnation, it would be the existence of midgets. These poor souls must have committed atrocities beyond Holocaust level in order to be enslaved for a lifetime in the body of a post-pubescent 6 year old.
Of course Hinduism is batshit insane, so I think I'll gladly stay a proud Witness to our Lord, Jahova, thank you very much.
Friday, November 26, 2010
6 Terrifying Things You Never Knew About the Platypus
In this day and age everyone knows about the platypus, nature's adorable little oddball that looks like the result of some inter-special relationship between a beaver and a duck.What most people don't know, however, is that the platypus is the product of Satan's nightmares sent to destroy us all.
Below are 6 facts about the platypus that should prove my point:
6. It is one of only five species of mammals that lays eggs.
Monkeys Smoking: Funny Gimmick or Deadly Epidemic?
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