Today in Science: Newly Discovered Living "Mushrooms" Rewrite Evolution

A new genus of animal has been discovered in the deepest regions of the ocean. These organisms strongly resemble mushrooms both in cap and stalk. These ''magic" mushrooms, if you will, have scientists baffled as to what phylum to categorize them under.  Source: IFLScience

The official Humor-ness take on the subject? 

 Scientists be getting high again.   We've already concluded that today's scientists are perpetually tripping balls (see our article on a 2D universe).  It now appears that they're at it again.   No strangers to psychedelics ourselves,  it's pretty apparent to us what happened here:

Scientist one: "Hey, science bro, wanna try these new shrooms I stole from the drug lab?"

Scientist two: "Does Stephen Hawking shit in a bag?!"

----- 2 hours later -----

Scientist one: "Yo science bro, what the quantum physics are you doing in that bathtub?"

Scientist two: "Shhh... The mushrooms are sleeping.   They wanted to go back home to the ocean where they belong.  They said I could join them in their mushroom kingdom!"

Scientist one: "Whoa."

If that isn't exactly how it went down,  we here at Humor-ness will gladly eat our journalistic integrity. 

  

kid gets shot with pellet gun

This gun was loaded with only a home made dart, but don't get disappointed just yet, shit fuckin hurts

5 Things I Learned While Tripping on Acid at Work

I was all kinds of trippin, man.

Work sucks. Acid is good. Based on the logic that the goodness of acid > the suckness of work, I came to the brilliant conclusion that by combining the two I could make work not suck.  Two tabs and a day later I can say that while it was a blast, I don't really remember much, and I'm probably never doing it again in my life until tomorrow maybe.  Also, I came to the  following five earth-shattering conclusions that have stuck with me.


5. Nobody expects you to be on LSD

This little added perk was something that dawned on me right at the start of the trip.  Not only did not a single person suspect I was under the influence of psychedelics, but 90% of them wouldn't have believed me if I told it to their face.  It just seems ridiculously implausible. 

"Here's that report you wanted, Joel. It took me a little while, ya know, because of the acid."

Now if I had to give a lecture in an auditorium or some shit, I suppose the fact I was tripping balls would have shown itself. However, my job has nothing of the sort, but more on that later. This next fact is urgent and very important.