Today in Science: Newly Discovered Living "Mushrooms" Rewrite Evolution

A new genus of animal has been discovered in the deepest regions of the ocean. These organisms strongly resemble mushrooms both in cap and stalk. These ''magic" mushrooms, if you will, have scientists baffled as to what phylum to categorize them under.  Source: IFLScience

The official Humor-ness take on the subject? 

 Scientists be getting high again.   We've already concluded that today's scientists are perpetually tripping balls (see our article on a 2D universe).  It now appears that they're at it again.   No strangers to psychedelics ourselves,  it's pretty apparent to us what happened here:

Scientist one: "Hey, science bro, wanna try these new shrooms I stole from the drug lab?"

Scientist two: "Does Stephen Hawking shit in a bag?!"

----- 2 hours later -----

Scientist one: "Yo science bro, what the quantum physics are you doing in that bathtub?"

Scientist two: "Shhh... The mushrooms are sleeping.   They wanted to go back home to the ocean where they belong.  They said I could join them in their mushroom kingdom!"

Scientist one: "Whoa."

If that isn't exactly how it went down,  we here at Humor-ness will gladly eat our journalistic integrity. 

  

Today in Science: The Universe is Flat!

Scientists at the Fermilab in Illinois are conducting an on-going experiment to determine if our universe is in fact just a two dimensional hologram.  In other unrelated news, scientists apparently get their drugs from the same guy we here at Humor-ness do.

"And like, what if beer is square?"

In fact this is a common topic of debate here at Humor-ness HQ.  So much so that we've developed and conducted our own experiment which yielded some surprisingly conclusive results. First we wiggled our fingers back and forth, then side to side.  After months of calculating the data we were able to safely determine two things:

 1. A pound of peyote lasts a very long time

 2. Of course our universe is in fucking 3D. My Goddamn television is in 3D for fuck's sake.


So, Mr. Scientists, please make our checks out to CA$H, thank you.