Today in Science: Newly Discovered Living "Mushrooms" Rewrite Evolution

A new genus of animal has been discovered in the deepest regions of the ocean. These organisms strongly resemble mushrooms both in cap and stalk. These ''magic" mushrooms, if you will, have scientists baffled as to what phylum to categorize them under.  Source: IFLScience

The official Humor-ness take on the subject? 

 Scientists be getting high again.   We've already concluded that today's scientists are perpetually tripping balls (see our article on a 2D universe).  It now appears that they're at it again.   No strangers to psychedelics ourselves,  it's pretty apparent to us what happened here:

Scientist one: "Hey, science bro, wanna try these new shrooms I stole from the drug lab?"

Scientist two: "Does Stephen Hawking shit in a bag?!"

----- 2 hours later -----

Scientist one: "Yo science bro, what the quantum physics are you doing in that bathtub?"

Scientist two: "Shhh... The mushrooms are sleeping.   They wanted to go back home to the ocean where they belong.  They said I could join them in their mushroom kingdom!"

Scientist one: "Whoa."

If that isn't exactly how it went down,  we here at Humor-ness will gladly eat our journalistic integrity. 

  

kid gets shot with pellet gun

This gun was loaded with only a home made dart, but don't get disappointed just yet, shit fuckin hurts

Midget Hate.

Dwarfs, Munchkins, Little People, Hairy Babies... Whatever your preferred nomenclature, midgets are without a doubt mankind's personal little What The Fuck.  And don't get me wrong, I love midgets. My two favorite hobbies are dwarf tossing and tricking my friends into watching midget porn.  But still, there is no denying that midgets are 100% WTF. 

Laugh all you want, $10 says your girlfriend would totally fuck him

I mean, lets take a look at all of mankind's other oddities for comparison- Asians have small penises, cripples can't run up a flight of stairs,  retards can't operate heavy machinery, black people make white people feel uncomfortable, and gay people will never be taken seriously in sports.  But Midgets... Midgets have all five of these fuckin problems, and half of them can't even wipe their own ass.

If ever was an argument strong enough to convince me to convert to Hinduism and accept their belief of reincarnation, it would be the existence of midgets.  These poor souls must have committed atrocities beyond Holocaust level in order to be enslaved for a lifetime in the body of a post-pubescent 6 year old.

Of course Hinduism is batshit insane, so I think I'll gladly stay a proud Witness to our Lord, Jahova, thank you very much.